There are a million things I want to say: why didn't you call when I didn't show up? why didn't we connect from the time we made the plans to today to reconfirm?
But there really is no excuse other than I forgot. It's a really lame reason. I know it.
I know I made her feel not important. I feel selfish and wrapped up in this. I can try to defend myself and say I have a right to feel selfish. This is an extraordinary time. And yet, my friends are my friends. In this extraordinary time, they are my lifeline. My support system.
It's a two-fold thing: life in it's most ordinary of ways, marches on and I have to march with it. I still have to make dates, go to appointments, remember to show up. I still have to be a friend.
I owe it to her but I also owe it to me to make sure I'm keeping connected. I need her friendship, more now than ever. But she needs mine, too. It makes me feel good to be a good friend and tonight, I wasn't.
This feeling is reminiscent from several months ago when I was forgetting a ton of stuff. I think I forgot a plan with this friend back then, too.
I was forgetting times, dates, appointments. When I started using a calendar, I was putting the wrong time/date in to the calendar.
I don't know why I'm in this mode? I mean, I guess I can put it all on Luther's illness. But it's not that. That's too easy. It's got to be more.
Thank goodness I have therapy tomorrow. This goes to the top of the list.
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