Weary

Two a.m.  Can't sleep.  We're in Tennessee,  on the way home.  I feel really alone.  I know I'm not.  Love and support are a phone call away. Plus Luther.  :)  

I guess I should say I feel like a lone driver.

This drive home is taking a lot out of us. I pack,  unpack, drive drive drive.  I've been really bitchy.  I get the most aggravated when it's windy and I have to light Luther's cigarette.   Isn't that the dumbest thing? 

We're visiting Luther's son.   I know Luther wanted to spend more time with him.  He even had a vision they'd spend some time at the gun range.  

I was surprised to hear he thought he'd be able to shoot.   He can't lift his arms or hold my hand.   Shoot a gun??

I'm realizing Luther's brain hasn't caught up with the fact his body doesn't work.  

Take Disney world for example.   He wanted to go for 5 days.  At the last minute he changed reservation to 3 days but still wanted to get to all the theme parks.  He figured we'd get to two parks a day.  I knew there was no way but tried to put it on me.  That I didn't love parks as much as him.

How can I say YOU CANT DO IT!?

After the first park, he slept most of the next day.   He figured it out.

I love LOVE Luther's optimism.   He's amazing.  He's my perfect match, off-setting my glass - half - empty world view.

I hate HATE this disease is chipping away at the core of who he is.  He's lost so much weight.   Is he losing his spirit too?  I'm guessing it's this drive home.  It's a grind.   I'm not much of a cheerleader but I'm giving it my best.  It's my turn to be optimistic,  let him rest for a while...