Limbo!!

Midnight.  Monday night.  Luther's downstairs, in his hospital bed.  He's really down.

The only smile I got from him today was when I was helping him out of his chair and his face got smooshed in my chest.   Small joys, I guess.

We're stuck in this limbo of moving!

It's rainy and cold.  He had to go up to the garage today.  Walking is hell. He takes little steps and one at a time.  So he takes a step, brings his other foot to the first one.  Almost like a bride walking down the aisle. Slow and deliberate and tiring.

We were over at the new place (at mom and dad's) checking it out. We're looking forward to being on one level.  This morning I got up at four a.m., down two flights of stairs to see if Luther needed to get up and use the bathroom.  He did.  He'd been awake for a while, the covers had come off.  He was cold.  He can't pick up the covers.

Tonight, as I was putting him to bed, his fingers got curled up under his hand and he couldn't straighten them.  Can you imagine?  I had to uncurl his fingers so he felt more comfortable.  He can't roll over.   Lie in bed, pretend your arms are dead weight and can't move.  What if you roll over and your arm gets stuck under you?  Your covers come off and you can't reach them?

Once we're on one level, I'll only be ten feet away.

In Florida, we slept together.  I could just reach over and move his arms or shove him over or cover him up.  But he missed his hospital bed.  It moves all the time to prevent bed sores.  He used to be able to grab the remote and lift his head up which allowed him to get out of bed.  Now, he can't grab the remote.

I'm not sure why all this is on my mind tonight.  I feel a little guilty he's stuck in this chair all flipping day.  I worked a little bit in the basement cleaning out closets so we hung out together for a little bit. Ate dinner together.  But mostly I was up here, cleaning.  Packing.  He's stuck downstairs.

I want our life back.  Well.  We can't have our life back.  I want a life on one level back.  I'm trying to figure out how to interact with him and get everything done.  In Florida, we had all this awesome time.  Was that real life?  I keep saying it was this dream world.  But why can't that be our real life?

I can't leave him stuck in the basement, even if it's just for the next week.  I have to figure out a way to get out of this limbo and put a smile back on his face.  This weather doesn't help.  I get caught up in packing, cleaning, running errands.  I need to get caught up with Luther.  Life really IS too short to be crazy with moving, tired from cleaning, crabby from the rain.

Tomorrow I'll bring back a Florida state of mind!!