At first I was thinking about how confused I am. So I googled the definition of confused and it was all about being bewildered, addled or disoriented. At times, I'm a little bewildered at why Luther is sick. Sometimes, when I'm trying to cook, I feel disoriented.
But this isn't the feeling I have. I'm not confused about this situation.
I think I'm stuck. Maybe uncertain?
haha! That might be it: an uncertain future. Even more though: "I was uncertain how to proceed." I think that IS it.
It's a weird feeling. I've never really been a take charge, have a ten year plan kind of a person. You'd think I'd be prepared for this situation --going with the flow.
This is so so so different. It's stuck in limbo between planning and not planning.
Luther and I thought we'd live in my little house, keep working, save some dough and live happily ever after.
I'm trying really really hard to stay positive. To look at the good. I feel a little stuck in.... not the bad but the in-between. Like if I don't move, I'll be ok. If I hide out in the house, nothing can hurt us. I know this is the most false sense of security. At times, though, it feels safe.
Time to try to get some sleep. Even falling asleep feels uncertain.