Monday, January 26, 2015

My life is a carrot cake.

I'm not even sure what to write but I feel like I should.  Things are all jittery and wacky and anxious.

We're leaving Saturday to head to Florida for three months.  I should be doing a jitter-bug and not feeling jittery, right??

Mostly it's last minute wrap up stuff. Plus I'm watching the end of Breaking Bad and it's AWESOME. More "shoulds" - I should be packing, laundry, making lists and checking them twice.

I have - as you know if you've followed this blog - a tendency to wig out, over analyze, worry, beat myself up, yada yada over virtually everything.  So this move exacerbates that feeling.  I'm sure as I pull out of the driveway, I'll wonder if I left the oven on, will I drive ok, is Luther going to be comfortable, what did I forget?

This conundrum, this kooky way I look at things is like a carrot cake, I suppose.  On top is all yummy and good - that cream cheese frosting!!  As you eat it, the cake itself still tastes pretty good but you might have to navigate through raisins :(  or walnuts :(  
Florida is all frosting!!  Warm weather, we have a cruise planned.  Disney, Key West.  It's all really really good.

It's the getting there that's a minefield of nuts and raisins.  I don't want to feel sorry for me, I don't think I do.  But man!  There's a lot to do.

If I back up a little, the whole not working thing has left me a little off kilter, too.  Not in a bad way. Maybe a few raisins kind of a thing.

I don't know - even as I type this I feel like I'm complaining about things I should be twirling around, throwing my hat in the air!  Who can turn the world on with her smile!?   It should be me!!

The other nagging thing I have in the back of my head is this feeling that as we pull out of the driveway, my life as I know it changes.  Even though it's changed a ton since Luther got sick, we've been home.  I'm in my own digs.  I can hide when I want, hole up with Luther.  Be comfy on the couch I know.

Hmmm.  I don't think I can continue.  It feels ungrateful.   Flip the switch.  I'm thankful I have people in my life who step up and let us stay with them.  Whether it's in Florida or when we get home and move in with my parents.  I don't have to work, I get to hang out with my husband and be on vacation.

Lucky me.  Lucky us!

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