I'm not even sure what to write but I feel like I should. Things are all jittery and wacky and anxious.
Mostly it's last minute wrap up stuff. Plus I'm watching the end of Breaking Bad and it's AWESOME. More "shoulds" - I should be packing, laundry, making lists and checking them twice.
I have - as you know if you've followed this blog - a tendency to wig out, over analyze, worry, beat myself up, yada yada over virtually everything. So this move exacerbates that feeling. I'm sure as I pull out of the driveway, I'll wonder if I left the oven on, will I drive ok, is Luther going to be comfortable, what did I forget?
This conundrum, this kooky way I look at things is like a carrot cake, I suppose. On top is all yummy and good - that cream cheese frosting!! As you eat it, the cake itself still tastes pretty good but you might have to navigate through raisins :( or walnuts :(
Florida is all frosting!! Warm weather, we have a cruise planned. Disney, Key West. It's all really really good.
It's the getting there that's a minefield of nuts and raisins. I don't want to feel sorry for me, I don't think I do. But man! There's a lot to do.
If I back up a little, the whole not working thing has left me a little off kilter, too. Not in a bad way. Maybe a few raisins kind of a thing.
I don't know - even as I type this I feel like I'm complaining about things I should be twirling around, throwing my hat in the air! Who can turn the world on with her smile!? It should be me!!
The other nagging thing I have in the back of my head is this feeling that as we pull out of the driveway, my life as I know it changes. Even though it's changed a ton since Luther got sick, we've been home. I'm in my own digs. I can hide when I want, hole up with Luther. Be comfy on the couch I know.
Hmmm. I don't think I can continue. It feels ungrateful. Flip the switch. I'm thankful I have people in my life who step up and let us stay with them. Whether it's in Florida or when we get home and move in with my parents. I don't have to work, I get to hang out with my husband and be on vacation.
Lucky me. Lucky us!