So much of this blog is about me me me. It's a good way to get feelings out my chaotic brain and sort them out. So what's up with Luther?
I tried to "interview" him last night... I asked him actual interview questions but he was watching the college football championship so his level of interest in answering was fairly low.
Luther is a cool cucumber. He isn't rattled very often. He's goofy and sweet and thoughtful and caring.
I worry that he ISN'T worried. I want him to go to therapy but he says what is there to talk about?
He knows he's dying. What does he need to hash out with some therapist half his age?
I'd like him to be more open with me. He says he tells me stuff when he needs to tell me stuff. Outside of that, I shouldn't try to pry things out of him that aren't there. Sometimes I think he tries to protect me by NOT telling me stuff. Like he says about the therapist, what is it we need to hash out?
THINGS WE NEED TO HASH OUT:
Hopes and dreams
Luther looks pretty good. When you think of Lou Gehrig's, you think of someone who can't talk, who might be shaky or can't move at all, whose head is floppy. Luther is none of those. Even when he's in his wheelchair, he can cross his legs. He's super alert and talks like Luther. He still walks. Not much. And he has trouble getting out of his chair but with a little help, he can get from here to there.
At times, I forget he's dying. I asked him, in the interview last night, if he thought of dying. He said yes, every day.
Of course he does. How can you not?
I was going to describe his day but I'll just say it this way: imagine not being able to use your arms or hands for anything.
He can still get himself out of bed although it takes a while to get out. He cranks his hospital bed upright and he slides out but then he has to wait for me. He won't wake me up... he waits for me.
So I'm his hands and arms. We're a pretty good pair! He has the patience of a saint though, waiting for me.
ANOTHER THING TO HASH OUT:
Speaking up when Luther needs something
Being more attentive to Luther
I'll pick up the interview soon. I'm secretly hoping it will be a little therapy for Luther!