Wednesday, November 11, 2015

30 Days of Gratitude

I'm sitting here on this cold, rainy night eating a peanut butter cookie topped with a chocolate kiss and I'm thinking - does life get much better?  My husband is in the other room under his electric blanket, snug as a long skinny bug.  We have nothing to do tomorrow:  no appointments, no obligations.  

Life does NOT get much better than this.  Simple things.  Living for the moment.  Being in love. Feeling secure.

I'm tired of being sad and cranky.  What is the saying?  I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

It's time.  Time to flip the switch from this constant sadness to a little bit of happiness. Which, hopefully will lead to a little bit more happy. And more....

I read this:  your level of happiness is in direct proportion to your level of gratitude.

I have a ton of stuff for which I'm grateful. I'm a pretty lucky chick. 

I know that right now is just a moment in time.  Weekends get tough.  Endless hours of not leaving the house.  The walls close in. I have at least 100 things I could be doing but I feel like I cannot do them.

Depression is the weirdest feeling. It's like I get stuck in cement and it's so heavy.  I cannot, I really truly feel like I cannot lift my arms to fold laundry.  I know I can. In the front of my brain I say over and over:  get up, lift your arms, stop being a wimp, stop being a baby.  But depression isn't rational.  It doesn't work with the front of your brain.  It lurks around in all the other dark spaces.  Therapy has taught me how to get out of it. It takes a while.

So I had this little chat with myself.  Luther is the one who cannot lift his arms.  I bet he'd give a million bucks to be able to lift his arms.   Be able to feed himself.  Get his life back.  I cannot let the weight of my feelings prevent me from lifting my arms.  I AM Luther's arms, for goodness sake.

Even though I know this depression is lurking around the corner, just waiting for the chance to mug me when I'm not looking, I'm going to take the next 30 days to be happy.  Do you think it can happen?

Some days might be fake.  haha!  Some days WILL be fake.  My goal is to get out of the rut, realize what's in front of me:  a husband I love, a supportive family, great friends.

Today, I'm grateful for the fact it's raining in November, that my husband is safe and warm and I'm really grateful for this awesome peanut butter cookie!

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