Friday, December 13, 2013

Sitting alone on a Friday night

The guy is out.  I worked late and came home to an empty house.  I'm glad he's out - it means he's enjoying time with friends.  Distracted from the terminally ill elephant in the room.

It's weird, this life we've weaved together.  I've been single and haven't lived with anyone since my divorced in 2000.  Living alone for 12 years is a long time.  Sure, I've had sleep overs and have spent consecutive nights with people!!  But I've never meshed my life with someone else's.  I've done what I want, when I want.

Now I have to think of someone else.  That sounds like a shitty thing to say but it's been true.  No kids, I don't have any plants.  I have a cat.  I've looked out for me.  And my self-sufficient cat.  This isn't to say I'm a selfish person.  While I can be a loner at times, I'm a good friend.  A good sister.  A good daughter.

Now I have to think of someone else multiplied by a million.  What a crazy thing.

We saw a host of doctors and therapists yesterday.  It was overwhelming but great; it was awesome to see how interconnected everyone on the staff is.  The things we have to do.  At times I can't even get a load of laundry from the washer to the dryer.  How can I live up to the task of this disease?  I guess you just do it.

Alone on a Friday night - thoughts swirling around.   Time for bed.

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