Sunday, July 27, 2014

Extroverted introvert

At times I feel like my life is not my own.  As a single girl with no kids, I had a lot of time to myself.

Sure, I have friends, was (am) a good auntie, volunteered as a Big Sister for many years and worked a whole whole bunch but I generally got to do what I wanted when I wanted.

Now, I have no time for myself.  When I do, I tend to nap.  I suppose this is what life is like for most people!!  Kids, partners, pets...  I hope I'm not whining.  It's more trying to figure it out.

ALS is a disease of trying to conserve energy.  I see this as my challenge as well - trying to figure out what the best plan is for my time.

We had the day off today.  I ended up napping for two hours; I wanted to get a few things done around the house.  Now, as I sit here typing this, I know I need to go downstairs to do a zillion things for Luther.  I feel the weight of his waiting for me.  It's not him I'm upset or mad at.  As a matter of fact, I'm not upset at all. Rather, it's a feeling of heaviness.  Not sadness.  Just tuckered out.

I've learned i'm introverted.
I always thought being an introvert meant you were shy, which I am not. Here is a good description:

...introversion and extroversion actually relate to where we get our energy from.
Or in other words, how we recharge our brains.
Introverts (or those of us with introverted tendencies) tend to recharge by spending time alone. They lose energy from being around people for long periods of time, particularly large crowds.
Extroverts, on the other hand, gain energy from other people. Extroverts actually find their energy is sapped when they spend too much time alone. They recharge by being social.
My job - which is crazy busy and full of people and questions and feels like I'm a pinball running in 50 different directions at any given moment - takes a lot of my energy.  By the time I get home, I want quiet, I want to be alone, I want to sit and just relax.  Luther gives me this space, which is great.  And yet, I feel I need to spend more time with him, I need to get more done around the house, I need to find my energy.

I know I can do this by asking for more help.  Everyone in my life has been incredibly generous and awesome!  How lucky am I??? Work is working with me!  My family is always helping without hesitation.  Friends are there when asked.  

So it's time for me to figure this out, this balance of making time for me (whatever that actually is), taking care of Luther and our home, working.   

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