Tuesday, December 9, 2014

I let a friend down tonight

What a weird feeling.  I'd made plans with a friend tonight and I completely forgot about it.

There are a million things I want to say:  why didn't you call when I didn't show up?  why didn't we connect from the time we made the plans to today to reconfirm?

But there really is no excuse other than I forgot.  It's a really lame reason.  I know it.

I know I made her feel not important.  I feel selfish and wrapped up in this.  I can try to defend myself and say I have a right to feel selfish.  This is an extraordinary time.  And yet, my friends are my friends.  In this extraordinary time, they are my lifeline.  My support system.

It's a two-fold thing:  life in it's most ordinary of ways, marches on and I have to march with it.  I still have to make dates, go to appointments, remember to show up.  I still have to be a friend.

The second part of it is I'm in a situation I've never faced.  Maybe in this time, I need to be more aware, more diligent. An even better friend.

I owe it to her but I also owe it to me to make sure I'm keeping connected. I need her friendship, more now than ever.  But she needs mine, too.  It makes me feel good to be a good friend and tonight, I wasn't.

This feeling is reminiscent from several months ago when I was forgetting a ton of stuff.  I think I forgot a plan with this friend back then, too.

I was forgetting times, dates, appointments.  When I started using a calendar, I was putting the wrong time/date in to the calendar.

I don't know why I'm in this mode? I mean, I guess I can put it all on Luther's illness.  But it's not that. That's too easy.  It's got to be more.

Thank goodness I have therapy tomorrow.  This goes to the top of the list.

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