Decisions

How does an indecisive person make decisions?   Most who know me know I tend to wander along until someone or something moves me in a different direction.   It takes me forever to get things done.

I've become somewhat ok with this.  I surround myself with people who like to lead.  I'm an awesome follower.
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The above was written last night.  I wasn't really sure where I was going with this... kind of ironic considering the topic.  However, it came back in to my thoughts when I was talking with mom about the usual day to day mom/daughter stuff - everything and nothing.  How was your day?  What's going on?  But she made a comment about something she was doing and she said, "you know me, I get things done."  It got me to thinking about what I wrote last night - that I do NOT get things done.

There are a zillion decisions to be made.  How the heck am I going to make them?  Things fly through my head, like a tornado.  An angry, tangled up tornado.  Once in a while a lone tumbleweed in my head.  What other metaphors (or is that hyperbole?) can I use to paint a picture of my brain when I think about these zillion decisions....

Do I make a list?  Check it twice?  Cross stuff off the list?

1.  We need to move.
2.  Where do we move?
3.  What do we do with my townhouse?
4.  What is on Luther's bucket list?
     -  Trip to see his family
         -  He wants to drive but I have to drive the entire way.  I want to fly
         -  Timing?
     -  Road trip to Wyoming
     -  Cruise to Hawaii
     -  Take two months off in the winter to go someplace warm.
         -  Can we afford it?  What do I do with work?
5.  When do I stop working?
     -  Do I stop working?  Can we afford it?  What do I do later?  If I stop working now,
         how long could that actually be?
6.  If Luther doesn't stop coughing/choking, what do I do?
7.  Why don't we ever get that handicapped vehicle sticker we keep saying we will?
8.  I need the bedroom wall sheetrocked, who do I call?  The light outside needs to be
     fixed.  Who can do that?  Simple things, it seems but I keep adding to the list.

I could go on.  And on.  I understand I need to take just one thing at a time, break it down, check it off the list.  But holy cats, it feels daunting.  So much of this has a limbo quality to it.   Will he become frozen in a year?  Will he stop eating in two years?  Will he die in three?  Five?

There is an element of guilt attached to some of the stuff.  Doesn't it seem like the guiding light, the guiding force should be to spend as much quality time with Luther as possible?  Make his bucket list come true?  But practical forces are at work, too.  Bills to pay.  A future without Luther lingers in the back of my mind.  If I give up work soon, where will that leave me in the work force in my mid to late 50's?

That whole pull yourself up by your bootstraps attitude just needs to happen.  Stop thinking so much.  Just do it.  Get 'r done.  Cross a thing off the list.

You know me.  I get things done.  Kind of....