Friday, January 24, 2014

Forever love, one day at a time

This was a comment left on one of the posts.  It's from a friend of my parents.  It's sweet and touching and a reminder that each of us faces challenges every day.  It's how we choose to deal with the challenges that matter.

I hope you two got to the south and the sunshine. It is a whole bunch easier walking in the sun if the snow isn't up to your ankle.
Walking is a little challenging for Paula. She is "on my arm" pretty much all the time we are out of the house. It gives me a chance to squeeze in my elbow and remind us both that we are traveling as a pair now-a-days. We had one passerby who didn't speak english make a special effort to say he was glad to see us as a committed couple. That is one thing you two can do. Walk arm in arm and proclaim to all around, that he (she) is mine and I'm proud of the fact.
Don't feel you have to hurry back north. Our snow will last for quite awhile.''

I have had people ask if I was going to leave Luther.  Would I stick with him?  We've been together less than two years (it will be two years in March).  Even he gave me the "out" when he was first diagnosed.
I've thought about it.  It wasn't a serious conversation in my head but the thought crosses my mind at times.  I feel guilty about even having the thoughts but they are there, lurking about.  I think about being 52, how long will the illness last, when will he die, how old will I be when I'm single again?
When I met Luther, I'd been single for a long, long time.  10 years or so.  My friends and family know of my dating adventures.  I was ready to put those adventures away when I met Luther and start a new kind of adventure with him.
I want that forever love.  I want to be with someone as I grow older.  I don't want to be alone again.  And I will be.  I worry I'll be nearing 60 on my next, new dating adventure.  It makes me feel guilty and, frankly, bad when I say this out loud.  I want Luther to be here, dammit!  
I don't often think about my future in these terms.  It is what it is -- none of us has any guarantees. (Oh these cliches!!  They keep coming more true every day.)   These days, I face what's in front of me and shove these kinds of thoughts way way back.  
Luther is my forever love, right now.

1 comment:

  1. So much this. Nothing in life is guaranteed, especially the time we have with each other.