Saturday, January 25, 2014

Robot heart

Therapy yesterday.

Night out with friends that became a therapy session in itself.

Today I became a robot and felt the protective wall coming up. Unfortunately, this wall get super thick, closes up really tight.

The therapist said it's ok to have a wall.  We all need it in some way or another.  But I feel myself pulling away.  Getting mad at everything.  Wait, robots don't get mad.  I feel more... apathy.  Is apathy a feeling?

I feel like every single decision - every single one - is in my hands.  Whether it's what we're having for dinner, the fact my tire is flat and I don't know what to do about it, how I get Luther's pants fixed so they don't fall off, how do I get my sales up at my store, I really don't actually have a day off because all my days off are spent with Luther or with some form of the illness... I work a long day and I come home and need to do everything, every thing because that's just how it is.

I know.  I know.... there are worse things. But this is my thing.

I put on my robot shield, I put the emotions away, I protect my heart so I don't feel and that way, I can get stuff done.

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